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Caring for a parent with dementia changes as the condition progresses. What helps in the early stages - a calendar on the wall, a gentle reminder - gives way to needing someone close by most of the time. These are the practical things that make the biggest difference at home.
Keep the day predictable
A steady routine is reassuring when memory is unreliable. Getting up, meals, a walk and bedtime at roughly the same time each day reduces anxiety and can ease distress in the late afternoon and evening, sometimes called sundowning.
Communicating when words get harder
- Speak calmly, one idea at a time, and give time to answer
- Ask simple choices - 'tea or coffee?' - rather than open questions
- Don't argue about facts; respond to the feeling behind what is said
- Use touch, eye contact and familiar music, which often reach people when words don't
- Avoid testing memory with 'don't you remember?'
Making the home safer
- Good lighting, especially on stairs and the route to the toilet at night
- Remove loose rugs and clutter from walkways
- Cooker isolation switches, or a gas or water shut-off device
- Door sensors or a simple alarm if your parent is likely to leave the house at night
- A Herbert Protocol form held by the family - a police scheme that records key details in case someone with dementia goes missing
Sorting out legal and money matters early
Lasting powers of attorney for property and financial affairs, and for health and welfare, can only be made while your parent still has the mental capacity to do so. Arranging them early avoids a far slower court process later.
Getting support for yourself
Family carers are entitled to a carer's assessment from the council. Dementia UK's Admiral Nurses and the Alzheimer's Society both run helplines staffed by people who understand dementia. Respite, even for a few days, helps carers keep going for longer.
When a parent needs someone with them for most of the day, a live-in carer with dementia experience can keep them at home, in familiar surroundings, rather than moving to a care home.